10:01 PM
I haven't been in my utmost mood to update yet. Although I've been feeling just fine these few days, it kinda leaves a sense of loneliness behind.

Especially when I'm lying down on the bed with only myself facing the wall up above, its during that time I reflect upon the things that have happened and how it has affected me. At times I feel privellaged to be given opportunities but then again, overshadowed by guilt later because of wasting that chance, cos they come once in a lifetime and I just let go of it. Have you ever felt that way before?

Besides regretting about choices made in life, I often have this sense of insecurity. You know you only have yourself to blame but nevertheless, the surroundings and the people around you influence the situation, at times for the better or some for the worse.

Well, I can't say I'm happy with life although I am BUT we all know everybody wants more. I'm defintely wanting to learn to appreciate it even better because throughout 18 coming to 19 years in few days to come, I've come to a realisation that we live in a material and saddistic world.

Everybody should start to open up their heart, eyes, ears and mouth because God gave these to each and everyone of us for many reasons.

And for the many,

It's to see and understand the things around us on a much deeper level and having to value whatever that comes in our sight because, the blind would give anything to see the world.

Have a heart of gold.
Listen not to the words that speak but the heart that says.
And how saying Thank God can never be enough.

Its funny how we say we hate liars, hypocrites, backstabbers, selfish, ego people and at the same time knowing that we ourselves become like one of them.

The world itself is suicidal.